Sunday, January 19, 2014

Fight the Good Fight

At one point in every one's life, our eyes were opened to one thing or another. Someone said something that made us think or possibly even changed our mind. What if that person had never said anything? If anyone has taught you anything, made you think or even changed your mind, there's a good chance you can do the same for someone else.

 I've been told I'm too opinionated, that I should just leave well enough alone and there is no use arguing with theists, conspiracy theorists, etc... I firmly believe there is a use, it just may not ever be seen or may not be seen right away. Just opening a discussion in general, starts people thinking. Maybe they find something you said interesting and delve a little deeper on their own. Maybe someone that is not even part of the discussion is listening/reading and you're reaching them without even knowing.

 One thing I've learned is that if you want to be heard, you need to be respectful. Nothing brings out people's defenses and shuts them down faster than being disrespected. Once you start name calling, everything you've said becomes instantly discredited. Being passive aggressive doesn't work either. People can see right through that. Always be genuinely courteous, even if someone starts being disrespectful to you. Keep your composure, as hard as it may be, and remember that they are most likely taking that route, because they have nothing else. They're starting to feel defeated. Again, you never know who you are reaching and somebody reading/listening will most likely take you more seriously and respect what you are saying, if you don't fall into childish behavior.

 Always make sure you can back up what you say. Don't state your opinion as fact and if you state something as fact, be prepared to prove what you say and for the love of all that is good, don't back up your claim with here say.

Finally, realize there is a point when you just need to give up. You can only say so much before you realize that no matter what you say, it is falling on deaf ears. Once you have made your point, realize it is a lost cause and stop wasting your time.

 Never stop fighting the god fight. Never.

Friday, August 2, 2013

It’s Time to Look Stupid

Taken from "The Angry Therapist":

The most powerful tool we posses as humans is our capacity to love. Period. I don’t care how much money you make or how brilliant you are. If you don’t love big, you are small. Think about the people who have affected you the most in your life. Your family, parents, siblings, teachers, coaches, mentors, friends? Their lo
ve for you is what grabbed your spine. You’ve changed because of their love. It’s what made you want to be better. We die for love. It’s been this way since the beginning of time, before social pressure and fear of looking stupid. 

We know this kind of love is valuable because when we lose it, nothing matters. Nothing. Your problems, accomplishments, dreams, are meaningless. You rack focus and those things become a tiny blur. If you’re recently mourning a death or an expired relationship, you know what I’m talking about. Love is lost and it’s crushing. Without love, we are puppets. But here’s the thing. We have the ability to love over and over again, deeper and deeper. I believe we under use this ability. You know how people say we only use like ten percent of our brain? I believe it’s the same with our hearts. Fear prevents us from loving fully. Many have been burned so bad, they turn that faucet off. I understand that. But then you’re not living your full potential. You are in fight or flight mode, protecting yourself instead of living your truth. You are hiding. Not living. To live means to love. That’s what living means, uniquely exercising the greatest power your posses. Maybe you’re not happy because you are not choosing to exercise that muscle. Or you’re afraid to.

You can’t love fully without being transparent. Although we all have the ability to love, NO ONE on this planet can love the way you love. Our love is unique, each person loves differently and that’s what makes us beautiful. So if you’re going to love, fucking love. Love with everything you’ve got. Love fearlessly. Yes, you may get hurt. Chances are, you will. But if you don’t fully commit, you will never know your potential and the impact you can have on another. Many don’t love because they are angry. They have resentment. They hold grudges. Then it’s time to forgive. Because the act of forgiving is actually loving.

Love doesn’t mean to just throw the word around a lot. It doesn’t mean cards and cakes. It’s an internal process. You can love hard without announcing it. Love is a choice to open your heart. That’s all it is. But or many, there are reasons why they can’t. Or won’t.

I try to practice love in every aspect of my life, with my clients, friends, family, the barista at Starbucks. And I admit, it’s difficult. Fear creeps up. I feel stupid. Lame. But I will not allow something as stupid as me feeling stupid to prevent the greatest power I posses. You’re on this planet once. What’s stupid is you allowing your insecurities, ego, and pride to block your greatest gift.

Love until you feel stupid.

Then push past that.

And love until you feel powerful.

Because if you do, you will.

And it will change everything.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

What is more scary? What people think of us, or what we think of ourselves? Have we forgotten what we look like, because we've worn the mask so long? If we were to take it off, what scares us most, what they will see, or what we will? Either way, it's time to take the mask off. To be able to say, without a doubt, "this is who I am". Whether you're not proud of it or unapologetic about it, it's time to be honest with yourself and own it. If you don't like what you see, fix it. If you're content with who you are, keep on truckin'.

It's taken a while and it's a never ending journey, but I know who I am and I know what I'm comfortable with about myself. What I don't like, I've worked on and have learned to try and not give a shit what anyone thinks about me. Easier said than done, right. I believe the people that know me, know my heart and they know the things they don't like about me, don't define me. So here are some things that may change how people look at me, family and friends. Do I care what they think, yes. Does it scare me to admit these things?  Yes. Essentially, I'm scared of myself. I'm scared that people will be scared of me. Let them. Who know's, maybe they should be.

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind:

  1. I have contemplated using the "I'm Pregnant" lie. I would never now, but at one point, gave it serious consideration. 
  2. I once made out with a guy because he seemed to want to kiss me so badly, that I felt so sorry for him, that I gave in. I hated every second of it and vowed I would never do anything like that again.
  3. I suffer from depression. I have to take medication for it and even then, still struggle with it on a daily basis. It can be crippling at times.
  4. I've done drugs, a lot of drugs. A year of my life was dedicated to drugs. It was the greatest worst year of my life and while it gave me some fond memories, I couldn't have been happier when it was over.
  5. There was a point in time, where I felt life was so exhausting, I didn't have the strength to keep going. I wasn't going to kill myself (I was too tired!), but I really wished that one day, I just wouldn't wake up and I could finally be at peace.
  6. I'm so lonely sometimes, it hurts.
  7. I would never murder anyone, but there is one person, who I think if I were to murder, I would not feel one ounce of remorse. 
  8. I'll never be over you, but I am learning to get past you.
  9. I love my cat, more than anyone on the face of this earth and I think he loves me more, than anyone on the face of this earth, loves me.
  10. I am not meant for anyone out there.
  11. There are some people out there that do not care about me. These are the people I seem to care the most about.
  12. I have abandonment issues.
  13. I've had an affair with a married man. I was young and dumb and it's something that I am not proud of.
  14. I stayed in a relationship with someone for far too long, because they were the "nice guy", even though I was sort of repulsed by them. 

What To Do, What To Do

I've run into sort of a dilemma, so I've decided to pose this question to everyone, no matter what your belief may be. Having had a God for most of my life, I didn't realize how much of my life he was a part of, until I stopped believing in him. I was never very religious to begin with, so I never had a problem with taking the lord's name in vain. I actually did it quite often and still do. I still catch myself saying, "Thank God!", which I think has always been more of a saying, than me actually thinking he caused something for me to be thankful for. I've also grown accustomed to people referring to God when they speak to me and never thought anything of it. This is where my dilemma happens. I'm not sure what to say to simple statements like, "We'll pray for you", or when people tell me, "It's in God's hand now".

It strikes me as odd now, that there are no qualms in telling someone you will pray for them, assuming that they want to be prayed for or even believe in prayer, but for me to respond with a "no thank you", makes me feel like the biggest jerk and I'm hesitant to ever do such a thing. While it goes against what I believe in, it is a nice gesture and comes from a good place. Do I say to the person, "thank you, but I don't believe in prayer" and possibly open up a discussion that I really don't feel like having? When I simply smile and say, "Thank you", I feel like I'm conforming myself so as not to offend this person. Would the same respect be given if my belief was that plucking the feathers off of hummingbirds could make good things happen? I mean shit, if you could actually catch one, you're already off to a good start! Would they hold back the fact that they don't believe that? If so, why should I? 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Face Canvas

I'm super excited (please read that last part with a lisp), about a crazy new plan I have in life, that I've totally jumped, feet first, into. As some of you may or may not know, I've become an aspiring makeup artist and have some great adventures coming up, which I will divulge at a later time. Any who, as luck would have it, my cousin Kelli, who lives me, is an aspiring actress and her husband Alex, is a photographer. That means I get to do makeup, he gets to take pictures and she gets awesome head shots! It's like portfolio heaven! It's like a portfolio orgy!! Ew, wait, the words "cousin" and "orgy", should never be used in reference to each other. Ever. Let's us move on from this uncomfortable silence.

Alex is a super (again, with a lisp) talented photographer, that has given me a great opportunity by including me as part of his services and it's been great working with him, no matter how nervous I get! Not only that, I like to sit around and play/practice with makeup and since we're roomies, he's been taking pictures of some of the looks I've been trying out, which has been a lot of fun for me. If you would like to see more of his work, you can check out his website. The pet photography section is my favorite! You can also follow him on FacebookTwitter and Instagram.

Without further ado, I would like to showcase some of our talents!
Galaxy inspired eye makeup
We like to call this one "Summer Sunny Sunset" Makeup
Makeup that Kristen Stewart had for a movie Premiere
1920's Makeup
50's Varga Girl
Twiggy/70's
Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Fred Bower Rm 128

I just got off the phone with my Grandma, who told me some news that not only saddened, but sickened me.


A few of you might be familiar with the picture above. For those who are not, I'll explain. Fred was a man that lived in my Grandma's community, who had quite a fondness for the ladies. To him, every encounter we had was our first, but he never forgot one thing, he liked redheads. One day, while having lunch with my Grams, he gestured for me to come over to him and gave me this slip of paper. I playfully stuck it in my bra strap and told him I would see him later. Whenever we would pass in the hall, he would always try to get me to come up to his room, by enticing me with his two cats. My Grandma said he really loved those cats and talked about them often.

Recently, Fred's antics had become more than what the community was willing to put up with. He started grabbing the waitresses, pinching their butts and things of the sort. The community decided to evict him. He stayed with family until he found a new place.

Here is the news she gave me today. Apparently, while he was in between living situations, his family decided to take his two cats to the pound. A few days ago, he went to pick his cats up. He was told by the staff that the cats had been euthanized. He became so distraught, he had a heart attack right there and passed away.

This story breaks my heart. Not for the obvious reasons, but for the reasons leading up to these events. I'm shocked at the way the elderly are treated by their own family, by their own children. They are discarded and they are a burden. If it doesn't matter to the family, it doesn't matter. They take their possessions and toss them out, figuring they won't know the difference anyway. That with time, these people have lost any sense of attachment or emotion to what is theirs and they are too stupid to know the difference if it's gone. If anything the attachment and the emotion has only grown stronger, because that is all they have left. To think of these two cats, that kept Fred company day in and day out, were just disregarded by his family. Not just the fact that these were animals, but they were companions and were thrown by the wayside with all the other unwanted companions. They had no right making a decision on what to do with someone else's possessions. I wonder how important those cats are to the family now? I wonder how they feel, now that they realize, that he did know the difference.

Take care of the people that took care of you. Treat them like you would want to be treated and respect what's important to them, in the same way you would to be respected. It isn't easy, it can be a burden, but remember we were once, for them, not easy and I'm sure at times, a burden. Lucky for us, that they didn't do what we do to them now.
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