Independent -adj: capable of acting for oneself or on one's own (aka forever single)

I used to not mind being single. I embraced it. Now I'm starting to think, maybe a little too much. I've become so caught up, relying on myself, that I'm afraid to let it go. I know that is not supposed to be a bad thing, but it is, in my case. 

I believe, that because of this solid, brick wall of independence that I have built around myself, I'm going to be single forever. Once I realized that, being single, sort of, terrifies me. I've gone about my days, building my independence wall, always assuming that someone would come along to help me. The wall has gotten so high these days, that I can no longer see out and no one can see in. I've become afraid that if, for one second, I let someone help me, that everything I have worked for will be diminished. It also doesn't help,  that the few who have offered and I let help, gave up in the middle. Especially when I already feel an extreme weakness by doing so. 

I also am starting to think there is a reason that men my age are still single. I've had the afterthought of, "well, now I know why he's been single this whole time". What if that afterthought applies to me also? What if there is something wrong with me and that's the reason I've been single for almost 9 years! I have even broke up with a guy, who told me it was probably for the best, because, "You are an awesome chick and I'm not at a point in my life, to be with a girl of your caliber". Really dude? Not only is that a bullshit statement, but you're just gonna let me go, because I'm just too awesome?! While I try to uphold the utmost awesomeness, apparently I'm doing something wrong.  

I've also been told more than once, that, "if you keep being so picky, you're going to be single forever". I hate this statement. I'm basically being told to lower my standards and expectations, just so I can have someone. As if I'm supposed to settle and be happy with mediocre, because hey, at least I have someone! However, I do know, that some of the things I judge men about, are a little unreasonable. I fathom laziness and ungentlemanly behavior. Now I know I said before, that I feel weak asking for help. However, I feel that a man should be a gentleman and offer. I work hard, harder than a lot of men I know and if a guy can sit back and watch me do a man's job, without an urge to offer a hand, I'm going to show him the door. I know it's unreasonable to judge a man because he may not work as hard as I do. It's my choice to be like that, but I can't help but judge a guy who can't get his hands dirty. 

So ladies, if you take away anything from this, let it be, that while you should be independent, don't become too independent. You don't want to hear the various things, that I have heard about myself, like, I'm intimidating, I'm too dominant, I can be emasculating, and apparently, speaking my mind and calling it like I see it, isn't such a good thing either. Go figure.