Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

What is more scary? What people think of us, or what we think of ourselves? Have we forgotten what we look like, because we've worn the mask so long? If we were to take it off, what scares us most, what they will see, or what we will? Either way, it's time to take the mask off. To be able to say, without a doubt, "this is who I am". Whether you're not proud of it or unapologetic about it, it's time to be honest with yourself and own it. If you don't like what you see, fix it. If you're content with who you are, keep on truckin'.

It's taken a while and it's a never ending journey, but I know who I am and I know what I'm comfortable with about myself. What I don't like, I've worked on and have learned to try and not give a shit what anyone thinks about me. Easier said than done, right. I believe the people that know me, know my heart and they know the things they don't like about me, don't define me. So here are some things that may change how people look at me, family and friends. Do I care what they think, yes. Does it scare me to admit these things?  Yes. Essentially, I'm scared of myself. I'm scared that people will be scared of me. Let them. Who know's, maybe they should be.

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind:

1. I have contemplated using the "I'm Pregnant" lie. I would never now, but at one point, gave it serious consideration. 
2. I once made out with a guy because he seemed to want to kiss me so badly, that I felt so sorry for him, that I gave in. I hated every second of it and vowed I would never do anything like that again.
3. I suffer from depression. I have to take medication for it and even then, still struggle with it on a daily basis. It can be crippling at times.
4. I've done drugs, a lot of drugs. A year of my life was dedicated to drugs. It was the greatest worst year of my life and while it gave me some fond memories, I couldn't have been happier when it was over.
5. There was a point in time, where I felt life was so exhausting, I didn't have the strength to keep going. I wasn't going to kill myself (I was too tired!), but I really wished that one day, I just wouldn't wake up and I could finally be at peace.
6. I'm so lonely sometimes, it hurts.
7. I would never murder anyone, but there is one person, who I think if I were to murder, I would not feel one ounce of remorse. 
8. I'll never be over you, but I am learning to get past you.
9. I love my cat, more than anyone on the face of this earth and I think he loves me more, than anyone on the face of this earth, loves me.
10. I am not meant for anyone out there.
11. There are some people out there that do not care about me. These are the people I seem to care the most about.
12. I have abandonment issues.
13. I've had an affair with a married man. I was young and dumb and it's something that I am not proud of.
14. I stayed in a relationship with someone for far too long, because they were the "nice guy", even though I was sort of repulsed by them.